Goodbye 20's, Hello 30!

Could I have imagined in my wildest dreams that I would be "here" on my thirtieth birthday? Where is "here," you ask? Well, I'll tell you. "Here" is happy, surrounded by friends and family, without a husband, without a job, but not without purpose, dreams, or desires. "Here" is different from where I was a year ago, and the same will be true a year from now. "Here" is fixed, but still in need of repair. It's not whole, but full of the pieces that matter. Making my own choices, following my heart, getting to know who I am, and making memories to last a lifetime. "Here" is the true, real me, the one who is in search of my personal legend and enjoying the journey along the way.

Phrases I contemplate on a regular basis, thanks to the amazing people in my life:

• Let your light shine- Laura
• Everything eventually ends (Alles hat ein Ende nur die Wurst hat zwei)- Jerey
• Happiness is a state of mind -Charlie
• Just keep going (living, running, dancing, laughing, etc.)- Ena
• Be on time for plans with friends- Shari
• Beer can make blue skies out of gray- Lisa
• God has a plan- Mom
• Everything happens for a reason- Kristen
• Young love is intoxicating- Ryan & McKenzie :)
• Don't sweat the small stuff- Dad

Fist pumping through life

If I could talk to my 20 year old self, what would I say? 

• Study for the GRE and start your Masters program in social work while you're still in college mode.
• Eat healthy now!
• Don't date Marines :)
• Pray daily
• Save money for the future
• On December 14th 2007, don't take Western Blvd (to prevent the car accident that destroyed my back)
• Take as many vacations as you can
• Spend more time with your family
• Get a puppy

If I really could change my past, there are actually few things I would change. I learned so much from the good times and the bad. I think we have to hurt in order to grow and learn from our mistakes so we can appreciate the great times in life. God does have a plan and it may not always seem clear, but have faith and I believe things will fall into place some day. 

Thank you to all of you who continue to be there for me as I enter this new decade. It's gonna be one hell of a ride!

Liebe,

Mandy

Thank God for Girlfriends

I haven't really been in much of a writing mood lately but I decided to chime in at least once before January comes to a close.

Nov 5th 2011

I've been searching for a job, spending time with my family, going to the gym, and really putting in some quality drinking time with my girls. I'm trying to read this book called "The Shack" that a good friend in Germany gave me before I left, but I can't bring myself to stick with it. She said it really helped her after her divorce because it teaches you about forgiveness. The problem I'm having is, I'm not ready to feel forgiving. Screw it, it'll come in its own time. I know God wants me to forgive and I am fighting Him too; I'm just not ready to forgive Matt or myself right now. This is only causing stress in my own life, I know this. I don't sleep well and I can't figure out what my next move is going to be as far as my future. I have zero faith in marriage and I don't trust men...don't care. This is who I am today, not necessarily who I'll be tomorrow. I know one day I'll be in a forgiving mood but I have to conquer my own stubbornness first.

Kristen, Ena, Me, Shari (Dec 31, 2011)

On the positive side, I'm ready to go back to church and find a new church home. I think I'll start this Sunday. I only hope I can make it through service without crying. I don't know when I stopped seeking answers from the one who will never let me down, but I'm ready to put my life back in the right hands and find my truth north again. As my BFFITWWW says, "Let your light shine."

Me with Laura (Nov 2011) in Germany

If it weren't for my amazing family and my crazy ass girlfriends who I consider my sisters, I would be worse off than I am right now. I wouldn't get out of bed and I wouldn't eat...actually that doesn't sound too bad ;P I love that I have a close group of sexy ladies who are just as "messed up" as I am. They make me feel "normal" when we get together and talk about drama. It doesn't matter who you are, you have drama. It just matters how you deal with it and who you let it affect.

Me, Ena, Kayda (Jan 2012)

I'm so thankful for the way I've been handling myself since I left Germany, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I truly love myself and I don't want to be someone who I won't like in a month or two. This is probably the most "real" I've ever been in my life. I am honest with everyone I talk to, and I am really "there" for my friends in a way that I've not been able to be before. I may be without someone to sleep with at night, but I am not without true friends to laugh with and strong shoulders to lean on; this is what makes life worth living.


Liebe,
Mandy