Willkommen Sie meinen Blog

Welcome to my Blog, I'm glad you stopped by. I thought a little introduction was in order after I reviewed some Blogs of others and didn't have a clue what it was their Blog was about even after reading the last several posts. Not that it matters, if you like what I write, read on, if not, no harm no foul.

I began writing again after one of my grad classes last summer inspired me to do so. It was a class on the world famous author, Stephen King and it was incredible. In 2011 I received my Master of Arts in Liberal Studies degree from the University of North Carolina Wilmington. My undergraduate degree is also from UNCW in Sociology with a minor in Gerontology which I obtained in 2005.

A lot has changed since I began writing this Blog in 2010. I am rediscovering who it is that I am and what makes me happy. Feel free to read through from the beginning and see where I have come from and continue to follow along as I begin a new chapter in my life, one that proves to be interesting and filled with exciting challenges that I can't wait to share with the World. So for now, "Das ist Leben"...this is life!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

“The truth is you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.”

So after being together for five years and married for three...my husband wants a divorce. My entire life is about to be flipped upside down and I have no control over the roller coaster ride I've just been put on. I'm devastated; I don't know what to think or feel most of the time.

Our Recessional Song

I'll be moving back to North Carolina and staying with my parents for a while but this is just nuts. I NEVER expected to kiss another man in my life after Matt. I love him and I wish I could "fix" us, or change his mind but we've tried everything: talking to each other over and over again, marriage counseling (two different times), and of course he's talked to several "friends" who have given him (wonderful) advice on what to do. Apparently, I'm just not making him happy, and according to him it's been for about a year now...or longer depending on his mood when he talks about it. I'm seeing my own "professionals" now, and working on making myself happy most of the time...it's not easy. I loved being his wife and I loved being married to him. I had no idea he was thinking about divorce until July when he mentioned something about me living life as though I could never lose him...wtf???

I guess the details of his decision are really nobody's business, unfortunately they don't even make sense to me so fuck it...you can think whatever you want. There are three sides to every story, right? As far as I know, nobody cheated, and there was no 'physical' abuse...

I've already lost several people whom I thought were my friends; I'm sure there will be more drama to come. We will be legally separated for one year at the least once we get paperwork started (he decided to take leave for 3 weeks just before a holiday and then when he gets home, asks me when I'm getting out of here.) At that point in time we are legally eligible for a divorce...or things could all fall back into "Happily Ever After." NOT BLOODY LIKELY! Or we could be separated until death...the thought crosses my mind from time to time since I'm a Christian, I don't believe in divorce.

At least I look hot ;P

I am finding it very difficult to trust people these days...anyone else? P.S. If you are not my true friend, please stay out of my drama...we all have enough of our own and I really just need my real friends right now. Some of you who have been, and/or are going through what I'm going through know what I mean.

1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.
3. confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit: to sell merchandise on trust.
4. a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.
5. the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.

Our Wedding Song 09-20-2008

I feel like the last five years of my life was all for nothing, I was a happily married woman who was on a journey through life with her best friend, the man of her dreams. WOW, was I wrong!


Thursday, November 10, 2011

A lyrical Tribute to my current state

Over the past few months (or years according to him) my husband and I have been unable to make things "right." I know I am not without blame but I've begged and I've pleaded for another chance, I've cried and cried and cried and cried some more. I love him so much but he just doesn't want to be married to me anymore and there is nothing else I can do to make him stay.

I'm not going to air my dirty laundry but I wanted to post some songs that seem to fit my mood and situation depending on the moment these days.

Going to the gym and spending time with Brady, our Poodle make me the happiest and almost help me to forget my entire life is crashing down around me.

So for now, so ist mein Schei├če leben!